America Pie? Think I’d Rather Have a Meat Pie !!

Have you ever been in a bar with a karaoke when someone gets up and starts doing ‘American Pie’? It’s always a group of drunks where everybody thinks that the song is just the chorus. They forget that there’s all those verses, so then all of a sudden these drunk people are trying to read the lyrics, then it begins to degenerate and I’m just “WTF? Get me out of here”

‘American Pie’ falls into the same musical category as ‘Dancing Queen’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, they’re all bouncy, peppy, massively overplayed songs that quickly became so much a part of life that not liking them is like not liking your bed. These songs may be pretentious. They may be pompous; they may be ridiculous; they may be on the radio 24 hours a day; they may be inane. But they mean no harm. They do not threaten our faith in the universe. But for me, over-familiarity of them does breed contempt of them.

On its release in 1972, ‘American Pie’ reached the top of the charts in a matter of weeks, selling more than 3 million copies; and at eight and a half minutes long, this was no mean feat. It’s a song that I’ve rarely heard criticism of from musicians or even music critics. Because its over 8 minutes long any radio station will play it because if a DJ has to go to the bathroom, they’re like, “What can I do? What can I put on for eight-and-a-half minutes? Ahh yes, ‘American Pie’ of course!

What do the lyrics mean?
Don McLean's primary point in the song was that he was simply nostalgic for the music of his youth, which he could dance to, and that he felt the music of the late 60s had drifted quite a bit from the common rock n' roll roots they'd both shared. ‘American Pie’ is notable because it is not nostalgic for the decade that precedes it, but for the 50s, and particularly for the music of the late 50s, and particularly for the music of Buddy Holly. ‘American Pie’ really is ground zero for baby boomers nostalgia.

"The day the music died" referred to in the lyrics is the 3rd February, 1959, when a small plane carrying Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper crashed on its way to Fargo, North Dakota, with no survivors. To Don McLean, this was a tragedy beyond repair, not just because the music of the 50s - and Buddy Holly's in particular - was so beautiful and chipper and innocent but also because America itself was beautiful, chipper and innocent then too. All that changed for Don in the 60s and in his eyes not for the good.

I acknowledge there are a couple of good lines in the song but there’s also some nonsensical stuff as well as him getting some digs in to some of his compatriots: The Jester is Bob Dylan I presume?  Elvis is the King?  And I think the “dirges in the dark” refers to Simon & Garfunkel. The Sergeants played a marching tune has got to be The Beatles. 

He seems to have a particular dislike of Mick Jagger referring to him as Jack Flash. Jagger was burnt on the candlestick because "fire is the devil's only friend", a not so subtle jibe at The Rolling Stones selling out to the devil in their later 60s album releases. As the song builds up it feels like he’s directly blaming The Stones and these other massively influential musicians for not giving a shit.

I really can’t decide if the “lonesome teenage bronkin' buck with a pink carnation and a pickup truck” lyric is terrible or brilliant, but McLean does labour his analogies until you feel like you’ve been beaten to death with a sledgehammer (and not in the Peter Gabriel sense either).

I’m making a big presumption that “The courtroom was adjourned, no verdict was returned” is a John F Kennedy theory because the courtroom didn't convict Lee Harvey Oswald for his assassination because he was murdered.
Don Mclean’s lyrics seem to place him as a guy who thinks all the good stuff has happened already and nothing else good will ever happen again. Really Don?

Why Don’t I Like it?
I've always felt that ‘American Pie’ was a song I was supposed to love - but I never really did. Even when I was younger and didn't listen to the lyrics or music, something about the song rubbed me up the wrong way, maybe it was simply that it felt like it’d never end! But everyone else seemed to love this song so I figured there was just something wrong with me. I mean, there is something wrong with me, but maybe not with regard to this!

My exposure to Don McLean has been pretty much the same as everyone else.  First time I heard American Pie on the radio it was okay, but after the first hundred times it was starting to grate with me. Over the next fifty-thousand times I’ve heard it I now detest it, and have spent the last ten years of my life trying desperately to avoid it at all costs, so great is my desire to not be subjected to McLean’s warbling, overly long, pretentious ramblings about the state of music in the 60s.

Unlike some, including Don McLean himself, personally I don't see ‘American Pie’ as being a masterpiece of poetry at all  - it's kind of like the Forrest Gump of rock songs. It’s the musical equivalent of an old man waving his fist at a young person in anger, saying that nothing that they can do will ever be better than what was done back in the 50s.  I’m sorry but that’s not what music is about, it’s supposed to be about progress, developing styles, being innovative yet Don McLean implies its over saying basically that nobody can do it better than them back then. 

If I couldn’t hate the song any more, for true horror there’s the Madonna remake, featuring background vocals by of all people, Rupert Everett. She seems to have missed the point of the song, as around that time she was being fairly innovative with her electro-folk style tracks.

There was a Don McLean quote I read online where someone asked him, “What’s ‘American Pie’ about?” And he said, “It’s about how I never have to work again if I don’t want to.” Ironic then that he did one mediocre thing really well and then made a shitload of money off of it and has never had to do anything else again.

Interesting too that after the whole Michael Jackson, “Art versus the Artist” stuff going at the moment people forget that in 2016 Don McLean pleaded guilty in court to domestic violence!

At the end of the day I just find ‘American Pie’ tired, overlong and overplayed and I don't need to hear it ever again.

Did Any Good Things Come From It?
There is only one positive I can come up with about ‘American Pie’ and that’s it (allegedly) gave us ‘Killing Me Softly’ which is a beautiful song. It was supposedly written by Lori Leiberman after seeing Don McLean perform ‘American Pie’ in concert.

So if the plane never crashed then Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens never die then Don McLean never writes ‘American Pie’, there is no Fugees remake and consequently there is no ‘Miseducation of Lauryn Hill’ and we couldn’t have that – could we?